I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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