Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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