Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
