Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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