anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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