An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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