But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
