we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
