and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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