My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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