just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
