I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize