I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
