nut hugger
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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