idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
