So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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