We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
