Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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