Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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