Please, let me fuck your mom
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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