look no pants
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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