I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
