it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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