you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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