The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
