So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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