do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
