dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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