I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
