I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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