She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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