HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
