I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
