I think I died a long time ago.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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