Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
