No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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