White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
