What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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