When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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