He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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