If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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