the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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