Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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