you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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