I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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