I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
