So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
