After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
