why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize