My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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