I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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