i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
