In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
