Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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