Tell her she can't have a vagina
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I could make wine with my vomit
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
