That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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