i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
