I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
