After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize