you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
