I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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