Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
how does that bad decision feel?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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