remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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