If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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