you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize