It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
