I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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