youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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