Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
