i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
