think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
